SELF CARE FOR THE CAREGIVER

WHAT IS A CAREGIVER?

You may have become a caregiver overnight due to lack of family support or it may be a gradual process. Caregiving may have started with small tasks like running errands or taking your loved one to appointments. Later, the tasks might have increased to doing grocery shopping, keeping track of medications and treatments. Gradually, you started to notice that your chores have increased to bathing, dressing, changing, and feeding your loved one. At some point, you come to the realization that although you may not consider yourself a formal caregiver, you recognize that life as you previously have known it has changed.

There is an increasing number of caregivers who are dying due to the stress of caring for others. In my 40 years as a healthcare professional, I have witnessed countless people (family, friends, coworkers, employees) that have died prematurely due to self-neglect. Often the caregiver died before the chronically ill family member passed away. Other caregivers who outlive their chronically ill family member eventually “crash and burn” after their family member has passed away. This phenomenon occurs due to the caregiver practicing years of neglecting their own health.

WHAT IS BURNOUT?

Burnout is no longer a “buzz word” used by people who are overworked and overwhelmed in the workplace. In 2019, the World Health Organization (WHO) classified burnout in the 11th Revision of the International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11) as an occupational phenomenon. However, the WHO specifically stated that “burnout” it is not a “medical condition” but a “phenomenon” that can only be used in the context of the workplace. The WHO further defines Burn-out as “a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed.” The Maslach Burnout Inventory (MBI) defines burnout in three dimensions:

1. Feelings of energy depletion or exhaustion
2. Increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativism or cynicism related to one’s job
3. Reduced professional efficacy, or feeling as if they are not accomplishing anything at work

WHAT IS CAREGIVER BURNOUT?

With the increase in the aging of baby boomers who are living longer—but not very healthy — as well as many people deciding to start a family in their late 30’s or early 40s, there is an increase in “caregiver burnout.” The major difference between the ICD11 diagnosis of “burnout” and “caregiver burnout” is caregiver burnout does not originate from the workplace unless one is a paid caregiver. As a result of economic and societal trends, caregivers are faced with having to provide care for their children, grandchildren, and parents.

Taking on the stressors of their family or friend is a load that can become too much for one person. There are also certain caring professions such as nurses, teachers, social workers, and pastors who are at very high risk for developing caregiver burnout because these occupations provide constant service to others.

Caregivers who are experiencing burnout can experience the following symptoms:

• Feeling emotionally and physically exhausted
• Depression, irritability, hopelessness, and helplessness
• Increase in physical sickness.
• Changes in appetite leading to weight gain or weight loss
• Changes in sleep pattern
• Withdrawal from family, friends, and activities that previously caused pleasure
• Increase in destructive behavior patterns such as alcohol and drug abuse

HOW DO I PREVENT CAREGIVER BURNOUT?

A. CAREGIVER STEPS TO PREVENT BURNOUT

1. Acknowledge Your Own Needs
It’s easy to minimize your own feelings when you see someone else struggling. But your needs don’t disappear just because someone else needs help.
Start by asking yourself:

• How am I feeling today—physically and emotionally?
• What do I need that I’ve been putting off?
• What’s one small thing I can do today for myself?

Remember: Self-awareness is the first step toward real self-care.

2. Build Small, Daily Rituals
You don’t need hours of free time to recharge. Short, meaningful practices throughout the day can make a difference:

• A quiet cup of coffee before others wake up
• Five minutes of stretching
• Listening to your favorite music
• Sitting outside for fresh air or to do birdwatching
• A short breathing exercise

Remember: Small moments add up.

3. Give Yourself Permission to Rest
Caregivers often feel pressure to stay “on” 24/7. But you’re human, not a machine.
Rest when you can:

• Take short naps if possible
• Go to bed earlier
• Allow yourself a “slow” day without guilt

Remember: Fatigue leads to burnout, and burnout makes caregiving harder for everyone.

4. Ask for Help — and Accept It
You are not meant to do everything alone.
Support might look like:

• Family members sharing tasks
• Friends bringing meals or running errands
• Respite care
• Support groups
• Professional home-care assistance

Remember: Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re aware of your limits — and that’s a strength.

5. Stay Connected With Others
Isolation is one of the biggest challenges caregivers face. Maintaining relationships helps keep you emotionally grounded.
Try:

• Regular check-ins with a friend
• Joining a caregiver support community
• Scheduling social time, even briefly

Remember: Talking to others who understand your experience can be a powerful relief

6. Prioritize Your Health
Your health matters as much as the person you are caring for.
Some simple habits:

• Eat nourishing meals
• Drink enough water
• Keep up with your own medical appointments
• Move your body in any way that feels good

Remember: Your wellbeing is not optional — it’s essential.

7. Practice Compassion Toward Yourself
Guilt and self-criticism are common mental battles that plague caregivers. But you deserve the same kindness you give to others.
Try saying to yourself:

• I’m doing my best.
• It’s okay to take breaks.
• My needs matter too.

Remember: Self-compassion builds resilience.

8. Create Boundaries Without Guilt
Boundaries protect you from burnout and help maintain healthier relationships.
Examples include:

• Setting visiting hours
• Limiting the number of tasks you take on
• Saying “No” or “not right now” when you genuinely can’t
• Scheduling non-negotiable time just for you

Remember: Healthy boundaries make you a better caregiver — not a selfish one.

AS A FAMILY OR FRIEND

Often caregivers have a bind spot when it comes to them being on the trajectory to becoming burnt out. Therefore, recognizing someone who may be experiencing caregiver burnout is a key to assisting them to get help. One of the symptoms that you may notice is that the person may change their behavior. They don’t behave like they usually behave. They may appear very moody, withdrawn, and their physical appearance may change. The person at risk for burn out may look worn out with a distant look in their eyes. Sometimes their own hygiene may be affected. You may notice that they start complaining of increased health issues. As a family or friend, you can lovingly and respectfully tell them that you are concerned. Offer to help by taking some of the responsibility — if feasible.

B. EMPLOYER STEPS TO PREVENT BURNOUT

Although caregiver burnout does not originate in the workplace, caregiver burnout can greatly affect the workplace. Caregivers who are under a lot of caregiver stress may lose job interest, may be unable to focus, and may miss important work-related deadlines. Employers may also notice that stressed caregivers may come to work late or call out from work frequently. In some cases, employers may notice that their employee’s behavior and appearance have changed over time. Although caregiver stress may be a personal matter, employers can help stabilize the stressed caregiver by following these steps:

1. Offer EAP
2. Set flexible work schedules. Decrease overtime.
3. Provide self-care incentives. Reward employees with health insurance bonuses, a gift card, paid time off, massages, etc.
4. Pay attention and check in with employees when you see a change in their behavior such as calling out or seeming disengaged.
5. Fit the employee with the job. Sometimes employees are not a good fit for the position. Restructure the job, rehire, and retrain.
6. If your company has short-term disability, FMLA: Ask them to apply for FMLA to ensure job protection.
7. Offer self-care classes.
8. Create a comfortable environment where employees feel that they can be honest with you regarding their personal needs.
9. Provide Bereavement groups to discuss the death of a family, friend, or coworker.
10. Place the right people in management.

OTHER COMMUNITY RESOURCES

HOME CARE AGENCIES

When the pressure is too much, it is ok to reach out to a home care agency. Home Care agencies provide caregivers who assist your loved ones with activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, feeding, toileting, meal preparation, laundry, assistance with medications, light housekeeping, and shopping. Personal Care Agencies are reimbursed through Medicaid, Long-term Care Insurance, the Veterans Administration, or out of Pocket. Some community-based services may offer special grants through the department of Social Services, the Alzheimer’s Association, and the Medicare Guide program. These special community-based services provide some limited financial assistance when reimbursing personal care agencies.

When choosing personal care agencies, remember to choose those with the knowledge, experience, and compassion for providing personal care. TLC HOME HEALTH, INC has been providing in-home care for individuals with mental and physical disabilities in the Richmond, Tri-Cities areas for almost 25 years. We are licensed, insured, and bonded to send personal care aides and certified nurse’s aides to assist with activities of daily living such as bathing, dressing, eating, feeding, etc.

Final Thoughts

Caregiving is both an act of love and an emotional labor. Many caregivers focus so much on the wellbeing of others that they forget — or feel guilty — about caring for themselves. Yet self-care isn’t selfish. It’s survival. When you care for yourself, you preserve the energy, patience, and emotional strength needed to care for the people who depend on you.

Remember: Take care of yourself — not as an afterthought, but as a priority!